Forgive me if I sound completely out of sorts.  Life isn’t making sense to me right now.  And it could be the fact that I went to the dentist this morning and they froze me up good, so now I look like a recovering stroke victim.  Just trying to put on Chapstick or use a spoon to slurp up yogurt is challenging.  Not sure how I’m going to work the salad I brought for lunch. (Disclaimer:  I apologize to any readers who may have had a stroke, but that’s really what I look like!) 

 

Anyway, a few updates – I finally heard back from Cake Boy.  Awww, Cake Boy.  Made me laugh for those few hours.  Love that.  Apparently, my email went to his spam folder.  So he apologized for the delayed response, asked for forgiveness and then told me he was “kind of” seeing someone.  In the midst of all that, he did say that I was “too cute” and that the timing was really unfortunate.  So I put it out there and was rejected, but the way his email sounded, it still made me smile, so he gets bonus points for that.

 

In other news, I got a call about a job I had applied for.  I was hoping to get an interview scheduled, but no such luck.  They just wanted more info.  I did find out that the office is located less than a mile from my house.  That’d be perfect for me!  But – we will see.

 

Other than that – same old, same old.  GI Joe is up to his same old games.  Saying he called, when I don’t have any missed calls or messages from him.  Uh huh.  I’m done with that game.  It’s not fun anymore.

 

So, I guess just looking for new mens…although there seem to be slim pickin’s these days.  Oh well – all it takes is one.

I’ve exchanged a few emails with this guy online.  He’s in Los Angeles, and I wouldn’t normally give much attention to a guy from out of state because, really, is that realistic?  But he’s cute and I’m bored at work, so I talked to him for a minute.  He gives me his number and tells me I should call him sometime.

 

Usually I take that as a chicken-shit way out of not having to make any effort.  A real man will ask me for my number and make the first call to me!

 

But this guy is cute.  Like, really cute.  So, I decide I’ll add his number to my phone – just in case. 

 

Imagine my surprise when my phone gives me the message “Duplicate entry saved.”  HUH?  Panic runs through my mind as I can’t remember where I’ve talked to this guy before, how in the world I already have his number, and how completely bizarre it is that he’s not even local and this has still happened.

 

And then I wonder if there are 12-step programs for online dating survival.  It’s completely scary and sad when you’re recycling men and you don’t even realize that they’re recycled!

 

The good news is that I’m rearranging my life to bring in new opportunities.  I attended a feng shui lecture last night and learned that the mound of shoes near my front door is blocking new opportunities.  I also learned that the relationship center of my house is my laundry room.  Yep, the room where I throw all the crap that I just don’t know where else to put.  No wonder I have relationship drama!  I also plan on trashing a bunch of stuff that I no longer need – it just makes room for the new and dammit, I am ready for the new!!  Somehow I have to make my laundry room more about family – maybe I’ll hang a men’s football jersey and some baby Nikes to get the energy moving in the right direction.

 

I’ve also placed a water fountain near my front door to encourage new career opportunities.  Need that too!

 

But the biggest challenge is going to be making room for a man in my bedroom.  That means having empty drawers and closet space.  And boxing up the stack of self-help books on my nightstand (that can’t be a good place for those!)  It’s getting serious, but at this point seems extremely necessary.

 

OPERATION: NEW ENERGY FLOW begins today!

My email to Cake Boy was witty and enjoyable.  It was something that would make him smile no matter what kind of day he was having.  I was likable and funny and it was an email that any normal person would love to respond to.

 

So…….why haven’t I gotten a response then???

 

We will see if he ever responds, but the good news is, if he doesn’t, nothing is lost.  I put it out there for the taking.  I left my comfort zone and tried a new approach.  And if he doesn’t take the opportunity, that’s his loss!!

The 90’s were great.  Dating as we know it changed.  Suddenly, women were allowed to make the first move, be players, and pretty much do whatever we damn well pleased.  I like that. 

 

And because I’m a 90’s girl (by the way, what do they call women from the 2000’s?  And what’s significant about this decade?  90’s is where it’s at.), I went ahead and asked for Cake Boy’s contact info.  “Cake Boy” is the guy from last weekend – the nickname is a long story, but it’s related to his profession.  No, he’s not a baker.  Although, that’d rock too because good cake is also where it’s at.  He’s not a chef, but let’s just say he’s got the hook-up for good cake.  Bonus points for Cake Boy!!

 

Since Saturday, I just keep having this feeling that I need to get to know Cake Boy a little better.  Not necessarily in a rolling around on the floor nekked sense, but I feel like he’s someone I need to spend a little more time with.  And if he brings cake, so be it.  So be it, I say.  Chocolate, please.

 

Because it’d be a great story to tell our grandkids, I asked my mom to ask his mom for his number/email.  His mom is the one who said she thinks he likes me anyway, so she should be more than willing to oblige.  I would assume she’ll want to check with him to see if that’s okay, but I’ll update as soon as I get her response. 

 

And after I get his info, I may just send him a note that says:

 

Do you like me?  Check one. 

YES o  NO o

 

Hey, and then maybe I’ll create a computer program that marks YES if he clicks NO.  That’d be funny for me!

Shut up, it’s the little things that keep me entertained.

I’ve got two stories to tell, so this post will be split into two parts, but at any time, feel free to send double the money though.  Lots and lots of double the money.

 

Part One:  I’m Done

 

GI Joe and I were supposed to hang out Friday.  As you know, I was sick and wasn’t really looking forward to it.  So when 7pm rolled around and I still hadn’t heard from him, I was okay with that.  Then the guilt set in and I started thinking maybe I should check to see what was up.  I text him.  He calls back.  One of his soldiers was in jail, so he had to go bail him out.  And then he scolds me for texting, saying that I really should call him more often.  WTF?  He’s the one who is constantly texting! 

 

Anyway, so we cancel Friday, saying we should get together for Football Sunday.  So, due to his bitching and moaning, I call him Sunday morning, leaving a message.  Yeah, I still haven’t heard back.  Who’s the bitch now, bitch?? 

 

Part Two:  Someone New

 

When I began saying YES for 2009, I knew that I’d probably say yes to some things that I’d later want to change my mind.  My mom invited me to a party at the home of someone she works with.  Not feeling so hot on Saturday, I did question whether I really wanted to go.  But I went.  There was an accident along the way, so it took us an hour and 45 minutes to get there, again, questioning why I’d agreed to go.

 

Because we were late, dinner was served just moments after we’d arrived.  My mom and I ended up at “the kids table”.  It was a little folding table that was pretty shaky.  Steak cutting often resulted in a spilled drink.  Sitting at the table with us was this lady (who I had met before) and her son.

 

At initial first glance, the son had incredible blue eyes and creamy white skin.  Not so much my type.  BUT.  He made me laugh.  A lot.  And as the night went along, he got cuter (I wasn’t even drinking!) 

 

So imagine my surprise when my mom asks, “So, what do you think of White Boy over there?” 

 

I said, “He’s cool, why?” 

 

In true middle school fashion, she says:  “His mom thinks he likes you.  He broke up with his girlfriend a few months ago…so he’s available.  And I’ve noticed that he’s been watching you and keeps coming by you.  So would you go out with him if he asked?”

 

And I would.  Not just because it’s 2009 and I’m saying YES either, but simply because he genuinely seems like a decent guy.

 

When we were saying goodbye, it seemed he wanted to ask me for my number, but there were people around and it might’ve been awkward.  However, with the meddling moms, I do have a feeling that I haven’t seen the last of this guy…

So there I am, minding my own damn business this morning and I start noticing that I feel a little sore.  You go girl!!  Great workout last night!!  Oh wait, I didn’t workout last night.  Then I start noticing that I’m getting chills, regardless of the fact that I’m wearing my jacket.  And I’m exhausted.  And my tummy isn’t doing so hot.  Actually it feels like I’ve ingested an entire container of Alli right after eating a bucket of KFC.  And the thought of eating makes me want to vomit.  It seems to me that all of these symptoms (thank you, webmd) add up to flu-like symptoms.  Spectacular!!  (2 hours until I go home today.)

 

But then I start thinking about how I tore up my finger last weekend and how it’s looking really nasty and how there is a new drug-resistant strain of MRSA out there.  Hmm.  Flu-like symptoms.  Open sore on my hand.

 

Yes, Dr. Who, I think I have MRSA.  For those who don’t know, MRSA sucks.  They check you into the hospital and put you on hazmat watch, meaning anyone who wants to come see you has to look like they’ve just come on a visit from the moon.  So yeah, good times.  Nothing like getting a distant hug from an astronaut.

 

Anyway, but WORST of all in this whole thing – I’ve got a date tonight!!  GI Joe was supposed to bust his move!!  But who wants to swap saliva with someone who may or may not be a carrier of the plague??  That’s hot.  Yum, yum, gimme some. 

 

He said he was going to call me last night (after he called me yesterday to ask me what I knew about time shares – huh?), but I never heard from him.  No word today either.  What that means to me is that I have time to either get better (whoo hoo!) or worse (no!) before he calls and will make a game time decision then.  Come on, team – let’s get it together!!!

It’s official.  GI Joe likes me.  He LIKES ME, likes me, you know elementary school style.  He told me last night via text – very much similar to passing a note during 6^th hour English class.  He was thinking about me…thinking he can’t wait to see me.  Interesting.  So, on Friday night, he’ll have his chance to make his move.

 

We are going on a real date.  He’ll come pick me up, we’ll go to dinner, and then we’ll head back to my house to watch a movie.  You know the drill.  Hanging out on the couch, neither of us really paying attention to the movie, slowly inching closer to each other until he won’t have any option but to make a move.  And based on what he’s telling me, it sounds like he wants to and is ready to.  Like Nike says, just do it!

 

I guess the only thing left to decide is where to go for dinner.  He’s leaving that up to me because I’m buying.  I sort of on purpose lost a bet, so I have to buy.  He wants steak.  I told him Taco Bell has steak.  He thought I was joking.  Maybe I’ll let him get nachos and a drink (if I can find a coupon), just to show him that I like him too.

Being single these days is some sort of an ironic cruel joke.  It’s like a traffic jam when you’re already late or ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.  Or meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife.  Hey, that’s good.  Someone should write a song about that. 

 

Oh.

 

I was browsing the online ads this morning as I think I only have a week left on my membership.  (For those keeping track, GI Joe is the only one I’ve met from there.)  No time like the present to get things going again. 

 

So I’m browsing.  I see a guy who’s cute.  Interracial, 6’0”, never married, no kids, age 32.  In his profile, he begins by talking about how he’s intelligent, takes care of himself physically, is relaxed and easy-going, equally appreciating a nice dinner out as well as a night at home watching a movie.  He’s a quick-witted, yet sometimes goofy Gemini.  I like dinner.  I like movies.  I’m compatible with Geminis and goofy can be sexy.  So far, so good.

 

That’s when the bomb dropped.  “My only fault is that I contracted herpes at age 15.”

 

WHAT THE F…?

 

Hey, I’m all for honesty, but yikes.  He says he’s ready to explore a serious, long-term relationship and is looking for someone who is also infected.  Fortunately, I don’t fall into that category.

 

But seriously, these are my options?  Wow.

 

Don’t get me wrong, people with herpes should be loved too.  But maybe the online dating sites should create a searching check-box to exclude people with STDs.  Again, not to discriminate, I’d just prefer someone without open sores on their pee-pee.  I’m just saying.    

Hey, did you hear?  It’s 2009!  Time to start those new year’s resolutions again…you know, the same ones you started last year, right?  Hey, I figure sticking to the resolutions for a few days, weeks or months is better than nothing, so it all counts.

 

For accountability and prosperity’s sake, here are my focus points for 2009:

 

1. Live.  Say YES to new experiences and opportunities, even if my first inclination is to cover my eyes and pretend they can’t see me. 
2. Health – Eat at least 5 fruits or vegetables per day and exercise at least 3 hours per week.  Definitely not unrealistic!
3. Change careers – I will take a new job because it’s something I want to do.  Not because I have to and not for the money.  Although a job I want, along with a hefty paycheck, is welcome for sure!
4. Relationships – Although my horoscope says I will get engaged this year (rather quickly), I’m open to dating, meeting new people, and even getting into a relationship if it feels right.  And if not, that’s fine too.  I’ll worry about the deafening sound of my biological clock in 2010.  Until then, I’m too busy having fun to notice!

 

That’s all for 2009!  A short list of easily attainable things to do if I must say so myself!

 

My final words of wisdom going into this fabulous year:

I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to be me!