*The following comments are political in nature.  I’m not saying you have to agree with me…believe what’s right for you…but take the time to discover what’s right for you!*

 

Okay, seriously?  McInsane picks the Alaska governor to be his running mate?  I don’t tend to get political on my blog, but I’m disturbed by this.  She’s got less than one full term of experience…running a city of less than 8,000 people way up in the middle of no where.  I would guess that the issues they face are a little different than the ones in the big cities.  She’s got 5 kids, including a 4-month old baby with Down’s Syndrome.  Is becoming Vice President really what’s best for her family?  I sure hope her husband doesn’t have ego issues with being a stay-at-home dad.

 

Does McInsane really think that he’s going to be able to get the female vote just by choosing her?  Does he think we’re not smart enough to actually look at the issues?  Or did he pick her simply because he likes to stare at her ass while she speaks – like he did earlier today.  She was runner up in a beauty pageant.  But eww.  Dirty old man.  And then there’s that – he’s old.  I’m not hating, I’m stating facts.  You never know what could happen.  Can you imagine if she was forced to become President????

 

Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for a female president.  I love girl power.  But above that, I want someone capable of being president.  Hilary could’ve done it…although I didn’t agree with some of her policies, she’s a strong woman and had the skills necessary to lead the country.  This lady?  Who knows!!

 

Anyway, so I ordered my Obama t-shirts today.  This is the first time I even really care about politics…and Obama has made me care.   I might seriously have to leave the country if he doesn’t get elected.  I’m not a millionaire and if McInsane were elected president, well let’s just say, as a middle class American, I’d better just bend over now to prepare to get f…………..d.

I’m so tired.  As cute as that kitten is, he tends to lose part of his cuteness when he wakes me up EVERY morning right around 2am because he wants some love.  Now that’s great, I’m all for love.  But not at 2am.  And not when you come lay across my neck – that’s not so cute.  Even if you are purring.  And not when you pounce on my toes simply because they look like fun to play with.  They’re not, trust me.

 

Moral of the story – I’m not ready for a cat.  I just want to sleep – alone in my bed for like three days straight.  Oooh – Labor Day.  Maybe I will!

 

So you know how it feels when you’re spinning your wheels…AND NOTHING FREAKIN’ CHANGES?  I thought change was the only constant.  No matter what, good or bad, the situation is always changes.  Okay, so do it then! 

 

Unfortunately, right now, I feel stuck in most aspects of my life.  I’ve been studying for my Personal Trainer Exam, but I got overwhelmed last weekend.  What in the hell do I think I’m doing???  What made me think I could learn all this in such a short period of time???  I’m doing better this week, but still not going to be able to take the text next week like I had hoped.  Worse case, I wanted to pass the test by Sept. 20^th so I could take a Nutrition workshop that weekend.  Of course, my office is doing an upgrade, so I have to come in on the 20^th for testing.  If all goes well, it’ll be a quick stop.  If it blows up, I could be there all day.  There goes the Nutrition workshop.  (I heard this after I found out I’d have to come in Sept. 7^th at 7:30am – A SUNDAY.  Sooooo not happy.)

 

I hate this job.  It’s not my passion and frankly, I don’t give a rat’s ass about it.  But I look for another job…and they decide to hire someone with more “qualified” experience.  I f’d myself for staying in an industry that I hate for 13 years, with no other real experience.  So apparently I’m stuck here now too.

 

I haven’t had a date since March.  Probably couldn’t even pay someone to go out with me at this point.  Pathetic, truly pathetic.  I’m not looking for a husband because I highly doubt that’ll ever happen.  But a date would be nice.  But no.

 

The doc called yesterday.  My thyroid meds are too high, so they are lowering the dosage.  Now, I would understand if I was suddenly experiencing rapid weight loss or horrible side effects.  But I’ve got nothing.  No change whatsoever.  Busting my butt exercising, eating gross vegetables and I see no change.  Not on the scale, not in the way my clothes fit.  Nothing.

 

I keep trying new things.  I go different places.  I do different workouts.  I look in unconventional places for jobs.  And yet, like a sling shot, life pushes me right back to this spot.  All alone, despising this place.  And it hurts.  It’s that pain so deep in your gut that not even a Tyl.enol will help.  Worse than gallstones or appendicitis or a sprained rib.  It’s a constant ache.  Knowing that you’ve done this to yourself.  I’ve put myself here and I accept responsibility.  So why is change fighting me?  I get that everything happens for a reason…but come on.  Throw me a bone.  Can’t at least one thing go my way?!?!?!

Whenever I share my bed with someone for the first time, I don’t sleep so great.  Maybe it’s just us getting used to each other or maybe it’s me thinking too much.  Last night was no exception.  Especially when Joey started nudging me at 1am, wanting some love and attention.

 

Don’t get me wrong – he’s really cute, but I like my sleep!  So I’m hoping the second night will be more restful.  Unfortunately, he’s only staying until Wednesday, so just about the time we get used to each other, he’ll be going home. 

 

He was awake when I left this morning – sprawled out on my bed, acting like he owns the place.  Hopefully he’ll stay out of trouble today while I’m at work, but at only 4 months old, I’m expecting to come home to something being out of place!

 

My new bedmate:

 

Cute, isn’t he?

I was at the Broncos tonight with JC.  (Whatever, I love the NFL, it was a free ticket, how can I turn that down?) 

Anyway, he made this special helmet, and I have to admit, it is really cool.  But I noticed tonight that he really just wants approval.  That’s what he searching for…and he’s never going to find it from anyone outside himself.  But that’s something he has to realize on his own.  So people comment on his helmet all the time.  (Although it was funny when I had 3 people ask me where I got my jersey – I don’t think he was expecting that!)

Anyway, these women had too much to drink and were wanting to get a picture with JC and his helmet (one girl said they were going to post it on my.space.  Ha ha!)  They asked MY permission, to which I said, “Sure, go for it!”   I don’t care what he does! 

We were joking and laughing about how I was okay with them taking a picture with “my man”…which cracked me up.  If you only knew the whole story!  So, one of the women says, “See, that’s a woman who is secure with her man!  This is a GOOD woman!  She’s a keeper!” 

She turns to JC and says, “You need to hold on to her – she’s a really good woman.  And she’s not a bitch!”  Drunk women are funny.

And this whole scenario just made me laugh, but was very awkward for JC.  He knows he’s lost a good woman, but I’m sure it sucks to have random strangers remind you.

Oh well, the next guy will realize it before he loses me.

My phone buzzes.  It’s a text message.

 

“I want to get to know you better.  Tell me something I don’t know about you.”

 

I respond:  “Give me a topic.”

 

“Something about me and you.”

 

“Like what?  I know just as much as you do.”

 

“Sad.  I was thinking along the lines of naked twister.”

 

 

Seriously?  I’m too old for this sh*t.

So here is the ideal order of events for the next month or so:

1. Schedule an interview for the job I applied for last night.
2. Go to the doc for a thyroid recheck.  Silly them, I need a way higher dose. I immediately start losing weight as I walk to the car.
3. I pass GO, so I collect $200.
4. Pass my Personal Trainer Certification.
5. Interview for my new job, where they tell me that I’m the only person they are interviewing and they’d love to match, if not exceed, my current salary.  Oh, and they’d really only like me to come into the office three days per week.  I should work from home the other two days.  And of course, they’ll buy me a new computer.  Oh, and I may need to travel to their Paris office a few times per year also.  Interview kicks ass.  I’m a rock star.
6. As I’m leaving my interview, I run into this guy who looks vaguely like Taye Diggs, but taller.  He’s taken by my beauty and asks if he can treat me to dinner in celebration of such a good interview.  I graciously accept.  Come to find out, he’s single and available, has no kids (but wants them with the right woman), no crazy ex-girlfriends (but has still had the opportunity to learn from past relationships) and he loves his mama (but not too much.)  Dinner is just the first of many dates to come.
7. I get a formal job offer from the place I interviewed with.  They’ll give me time to think about it (duh) and I’m supposed to let them know when I can start.
8. As I’m composing my letter of resignation, I get a mandatory meeting request at work.  We all know what that means!  The company is shutting down, my last day is Friday, and I’ve been awarded 3 months severance in appreciation of my dedication.
9. I called the new place back, accept and tell them I’ll start in a week or so.
10. Book last minute Vegas trip.
11. Start new job, which I absolutely love.   They absolutely love me, offering me a bonus package on top of my current offer.  I accept.
12. Taye Diggs (but taller) and I book a 10-day Panama Canal cruise to celebrate.  Of course new job gives me the time off because they love me so.
13. And I live happily ever after.  The End.

Did you see?  There was a full moon this weekend.  My horoscope said that with the full moon, I’d be a magnet for potential mates.  Chicka, chicka, yeah, yeah!  However, I didn’t really expect that magnetism to come in the form it did.  A married bisexual woman.  And someone else’s husband.  Yep, I’ve got skillz.  Mad skillz, I tell you.

 

While I wasn’t attracting the right people this weekend, I was busy putting songs on my brand spankin’ new I.pod.  Seriously, those things are cool – why in the world am I just getting one NOW?  It’s like a freakin’ Walkman where you don’t ever have to change the tape!  And did you know you can make a mix tape in minutes?!?  AND I can watch movies???  All in something smaller than a credit card.  It’s pure insanity!!  And by insanity, I mean brilliance. 

Doesn’t that sound good right now?  All chewy and yummy and peanut buttery?  Mmm.  ANYWAY.  Cookies aside, I continue with my post.

 

So, I’m signed up for a half-marathon, started my training with 4 miles last night, my I.Pod will be delivered Saturday and I’m finally taking my thyroid medication at the right time (I go back in 2 weeks for a blood test to see if this dosage is working.) 

 

In theory, I’m on the right path.  But of course, immediate results would be nice.  Unlikely, but nice.

 

So, while I’m awaiting these monsterous body-changing results, I’ve also started a new plan.  It’s from The Four-Day Win book by Martha Beck.  Essentially, you set a goal for four days.  As you accomplish your daily goal, you get a daily reward…and at the end of the four days, you get a bigger reward.  The first goal is something you know you accomplish…she wants to ensure that you win your first four day win (because most of us would give up if we couldn’t even win the first goal!) 

 

My first goal was 5,000 steps per day on my pedometer.  I did it for four days…ranging from 5,000 to 7,000 steps.  And there were times I had to run in place to get to 5,000 steps, but still.  I did it.  My next goal is to drink 96 oz. of water per day (6 bottles.)  I used to drink WAY more than that, but I’ve slacked off lately.  Doh.  So I’m adding back the water.  And even though I don’t NEED 5,000 steps to reach my goal, I’m still doing it.  I think I see how this is supposed to work!!  Master one thing…then add another…and another…and another.

 

But here’s my issue.  Rewards.  A peanut butter cookie would be an AWESOME reward right now.  And since I accomplished my goal yesterday and didn’t get a reward, I’m due.  Somehow though, cookies defeat the purpose.  But it’s protein, people!  Anyway, so it makes sense to get away from food rewards.  And I want to get away from rewards that are going to cost me lots of money too.  Haven’t you heard – we’re in a recession!! 

 

So what else is there?  The author suggests things like playing solitaire uninterrupted for 30 minutes or reading a gossip magazine in the bathtub.  Things that you enjoy.  Those are great ideas…especially for someone with a family.  It gives them the all-critical “me” time.  But “me” time is all I have, so how does that work?  If I want to play solitaire, I play solitaire.  If I want to take a bath, I take a bath.  End of story.  So it seems these rewards would be more like restrictions to me…not allowing myself to do these things unless I accomplish my daily goal.  And again, that just defeats the whole purpose! 

 

Moral of the story:  I just don’t know what rewards to use!  If you have any ideas, please share.  Otherwise, I’ll be off eating my peanut butter cookie and downing my 4^th bottle of water.  I go girl.

Holy cow.  Has it really been 10 days since I’ve posted?  Wow.  I know you probably suspect that I’ve been busy with some boy toy and had no time to come up for air, much less compose a post, but such is not the case.  I was actually out of town at an industry conference.  I saw people I hadn’t seen in a while, put the buzz out there that I might be job hunting, and drank too much.  Good times! 

 

However, I did experience moments of sadness when I noticed that in getting updates on how everyone is doing, they always comment on their significant others.  I was asked a number of times if I was still single.  Yes, thank you for the reminder.

 

And I had another moment of sadness when I was reminded, once again, how few decent, single and available men there are out there.  It seems that anytime I go somewhere new, that little voice in the back of my head says, “Hey, maybe you’ll meet someone.”  And when I go home for the night, exactly the same as I arrived, it’s hard.

 

I’m ready for the opportunity to love again.  My heart is open and waiting for a nice guy to walk into my life.  But I don’t know if he will.  I’ve worked hard on accepting my life for what it is and doing the things I want to do, and that’s been good for me.  But the one thing I can’t create by myself is a fulfilling relationship.

 

There are people who lose themselves in relationships.  They forget who they are, and instead, become so-and-so’s wife or so-and-so’s girlfriend.  And then there are people who thrive in relationships.  They become better and truer to themselves with the addition of the right person.

 

I’m ready to take it to the next level.  I’ve taken responsibility for my life, forgiven myself and others and began to discover who I am.  But now I’m ready to step it up and bring this new me into a relationship.  You hear that, Universe?  It’s time.

With my new and refreshed attitude, I’m discovering some downfalls.  Don’t get me wrong, right now I’m loving life!  I’m enjoying my singleness (I know huh!) and the fact that I can do whatever I want.  I can have a girls night or leave town with no attachments or responsibilities.  Or sit on my booty staring at the walls if I want.  I don’t have to ask anyone about anything and I’m realizing how much that rocks.  But with that, I’m getting the feeling that I can do anything – there are no limitations. 

 

No limitations means I can push myself and I know I’ll succeed, no matter what I do.  So what do I want to do?

 

I’m considering doing the Las Vegas Half-Marathon in December.  And I’m thinking about training so that I can RUN it?  Seriously, I don’t run unless Michael Myers or Freddy Kruger is chasing me.  And even then it might just be a light jog.  All the while, pulling out my celly to push the 9 double ones.  For shizzle, my nizzle.  Not sure where my rap star-ish-ness just came from, but I’m going with it.  Told you I can do anything.  Suck it.  (Not really sure what “it” is in this context, but whatever.  I promise I didn’t do any mind-altering drugs this morning.  I’m high on life.  Try it.  It’s good sh*t.)

 

ANYWAY, as I said, I might be slightly insane.  But I’m remaining true to myself in that I have until the 6^th to decide.  Why the 6^th?  A coupon for $7 off the registration fee came across my email.  Duh!  Saving money = being true to myself.  Are you following along?

 

Let’s make a list here (Pulling out the list-making strategy once again.  Apparently you turn 32 and suddenly your brain is incapable of handling things, so you have to make lists.  Or keeping with one train of thought. Or not using parenthesis.  Stupid incapable brain.)  ANYWAY.  (I digress.)  Back to the list.

 

Yays:  New shoes, new shirt (so cute!!), new Ipod (Really my first.  Don’t hate.  Cassettes rock.), forced training (i.e. weight loss jumpstart!), a trip to Vegas, manhandling the Strip with my own two feet and that feeling of crossing the finish line!!

 

Nays:  13.1 miles and up to 3 hours of pure unadulterated pain.

 

Hmm.  Wait, back up.  New shoes, you say?  Damn, hit a girl where it counts!!

 

Stay tuned…final decision (and more parenthesis) coming soon.